Fear

We are struggling with this in my house. Avery used to be a good sleeper. Even from infancy, I could put him in his crib awake and he'd fall right to sleep. He'd sleep through the night. I don't remember exactly when we started having issues. It was probably around the time he was four. He started waking up at almost the same time every morning- 2am. His room was in the front part of the house so we wondered if it was because he would hear our neighbor's car coming in from the night shift. At that point, it really didn't seem to be about him being afraid. He would just wake up and for what ever reason not be able to get himself back to sleep.
That went away and he seemed to be sleeping fine for a while. Right after my mom passed away, he developed this intense fear of the dark. I wasn't sure if it was just developmental or if it had something to do with my mom's death. She lived with us while she was sick. Avery walked into her room that night to kiss her goodnight and in the morning she was gone. I wondered if he started associating darkness with death. He would not walk in to a dark room by himself and required a very bright night light to sleep in his room. He again began getting up in the middle of the night, several times a night.
I know what the experts say. I think in theory all of that advice from well known therapists and doctors is ideal- if we lived in a perfect world where every child was the same. But that's not reality. Avery was now in school and he'd be up four or five times sometimes till midnight. It was not a manipulation on his part. He was genuinely scared. He'd be shaking and when we would walk him back to his bed and sit with him, his eyes would dart around the room and he'd sit up in bed repeatedly thinking he saw something or heard something.
We were at the end of our rope. Sleep deprived, worried, and very frustrated. At some point we decided that he had to sleep. He had to go to school and could not function in that setting on four or less hours of sleep a night. We put his sleeping bag in our room and let him sleep there. He still does it from time to time.
I hear some gasps. Believe me- I know. Its a habit we started but sometimes you do what it takes and you go with what works. We've been working with him on the weekends, being more adamant about sleeping in his bed because he could sleep in the next day after the hours and hours of getting up and us walking him back. He's begged and cried and believe me if I didn't think he was legitimately scared to death, we would have been more forceful during the week. I remember laying in my bed as a little girl, hearing some strange noise and being scared out of my mind. I remember being very still thinking that if I didn't move, whatever boogeyman was lurking in my house wouldn't get me.
Last night we put him in his bed, we prayed with him as we've always done, kissed him and left him sobbing in his pillow. "I just can't do it.", he said. "I won't make it- I won't" He got up a couple of times and it was almost midnight before he fell asleep but he did it and he stayed there all night. Praise the Lord.
So, we had a celebration today. We made a brownie cake and celebrated Avery going to sleep and staying in bed. We made a HUGE deal and told him we understood how hard it was but that he did it and he was here with us in the morning.
Talking with friends and reading, I know that age wise its developmental. I think the intense fear is probably that and some issues about my mom's death combined. He hurdled a HUGE obstacle last night and I'm praying that tonight is a continuation.