Surrendering- Step One

Today, I let go of one of the duties that I have held tight for the thirteen years I have been married. Actually I guess if you really break it down, I have held tight to doing bills and balancing my accounts since I was old enough to have any kind of bank account. And I am a stickler for balancing to the penny. This has been a GREAT source of contention for my sweet hubby and me. Here I am a write everything down, balance to the penny, mega-saver and here he is a write it down when my wallet fills up- if I feel like it, never balance a checkbook because I know there is money in there, spend it like its your last day on Earth non-saver. :) That's what we were like when we first married.
We came from different backgrounds. My parents were both hard workers who didn't make a lot of money. We always had what we needed but not much beyond that. My parents never had credit cards and my daddy never bought anything he couldn't pay for in cash. That's the way I grew up. My mom was very frugal because she had to be. I learned my habits from them.
Jim grew up in a family where things were not nearly as tight. They were not wealthy but well off enough to have what they needed and then be able to buy the things they wanted. He learned his habits from his situation.
Right out of college, I worked at the Department of Children's Services investigating child abuse and neglect where the people receiving AFDC and food stamps made almost as much a month as I did. Jim was an engineer so right out of college he started with the State of North Carolina in their survey and design department. I don't have to tell you that starting salaries were very different between the two jobs. :) I had to keep on top of my money because I didn't have a lot of it and I had rent, car insurance, groceries, etc. Jim didn't feel that pinch because well like I said the difference in the two salaries was significant so he had money to play around with.
So, that's how we came together on the money issue when we got married. I have to say that after thirteen years, Jim has come much of the way over to my view of things financial. The rubber really hit the road when I decided to stay home after the birth of our first son. There would be no more extra to play around with. We were a one income household and we had to stay on our budget.
I have always done our bills, kept on top of savings, and any other accounts, 401k, etc that we have. I do our budget. If you had asked me a few weeks ago why, I would have said it was because Jim doesn't like to do it. Ask me now and I'll tell you its because I like to be in control and I don't feel like he can do it as well as me. Ouch. The fact is that Jim CAN do it as well as I can, in fact, he may be a lot better at it. He's an educated man who is loyal to his family, loves his God, and would of course manage our money accordingly. Well, focusing on my word for 2009, I am turning that over to him. I think he's wanted to do it for a while and it should have been his a long time ago.
We get paid on the 15th so yesterday was the first time in thirteen years that I didn't sit down at the computer to do our bills, etc. I gave him all the information, passed on the budget, showed him how I'd done things all these years. Is it making me a little crazy- YES! I have the urge to ask Jim a million and one questions, "Are you sure you...?" Not that we won't talk about things financial- of course we will. I just need to trust that he has it under control.
I'm not saying that any wife who does her family's finances needs to just hand it over. I'm saying for me I needed to. I wasn't doing our finances because I wanted to, I was doing them because I wanted control and because I didn't trust my husband to do them the "way I wanted them done." That was my issue and why I needed to surrender. So here we go.