My One Word for 2009

Last year my friend, Tracy from my MOPS group challenged us to pick one word to focus on throughout the year. My word for 2008 was forgiveness. I've discovered that this is a word that I need to focus on for the rest of my life and that sometimes forgiveness comes a day at a time- maybe even from moment to moment. I received some wonderful advice from friends, specifically to make the conscious decision to forgive each day I wake up and then letting God do the rest.
I have to say that I've struggled to narrow my focus this New Year. It's taken me some time to figure out what one word encompasses what I want to work toward. I've thrown around several and for me it all comes back to this one- surrender. Surrender can be a verb or a noun. In my case, I want it to be a very active verb. :) Websters defines surrender as follows: "to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand. To give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another."
I would venture to say that most of us view surrender as a lack of action. When I first thought about it, the picture in my mind was of someone throwing up their hands and walking away. I think I used to feel like that's what it meant to give it to God. Ok God here's my problem- it's all you Big Man- I'm walking away. Yeah, I was wrong. That's not surrendering, its giving up and there is a HUGE difference.
I'll admit I have issues with the words "power", "control", "possession." And if those weren't enough, the synonym for surrender is submission. I am a control freak. I own that. You can ask my husband. I'm strong willed, do it on my own, never admit defeat, and never admit I'm wrong. I am passionate about being independent to a fault. Its this stubbornness, this fierce need to be self sufficient that has been the albatross in my relationship with the Lord. Its been the "thing" I have held on to that keeps me from that next level of relationship with Jesus. I want to be more intimate with my Savior.
I want to surrender every aspect of my life to Him. Looking back, its those times in my life when I yielded to Him completely that I was happiest, successful, and most at peace. I want there to be no worry, no doubt, and complete faith that whatever happens He's got it. He's got it because I'm where I should be because I've completely surrendered to His will- not mine.
Those are big goals, I know. I intend to break it down. My first focus of surrender is going to be in my marriage. My husband is a good Godly man and I haven't allowed him to be the spiritual leader, the head of our home that he needs to be. I've placed myself in that role because of my need to be "in control." So, I'm waving the white flag. First in my marriage and for those of you who know me, that may take me all year and then some, and then in other aspects of my life as well. I hope to give you guys some updates from time to time on my progress.
I encourage you to pick a word. You'll be surprised just how much you'll learn and how God will work on you through your focus.