Nine Lives

I am not a huge pet person. I'm even less so now that I have kids. But even more than I'm not a pet person, I'm especially not a cat person. If you know me, you know that we have a cat. Before you start feeling sorry for our cat because I'm not a feline lover, know that Jim loves all animals and Avery loves Rogue enough for the rest of us. Aidan and I can take or leave her. No, we don't want anything bad to happen to her and we would never hurt her ... purposefully (Aidan was 2 when we got her and he used to "love" on her by picking her up by the neck.)
Rogue (our boys named her after an X-Men character) came to live with us a little over two years ago. For a while she was an inside cat- until she scratched up the leather furniture and chose to pee on the carpet rather than in her litter box. She then became an in the garage, let her out to run around during the day, come in the house occasionally kitty. Several months ago, she ran away. She was gone for three weeks. Avery was devastated. He drew pictures and put signs up all around. Just about the time we were thinking she was not coming back, right about the time I was getting ready to put the litter box out for the trash men, our neighbor calls and says she thinks she found Rogue. And it was her. She had been living under this abandoned house not far from us. We didn't know if she really couldn't find her way back or if she had tried and been scared by the traffic to cross the road (it was in a high volume area.) Jim took the kitty carrier to the old house and lured her in with some food.
Fast forward to last Thursday. I was heading to lunch with a friend. It was a beautiful, warm day so I opened the garage door to let Rogue out to play. That evening our neighbor across the street called and asked if we were missing a cat. Come to think of it I told him- I hadn't seen her since I got back home. He starts to apologize saying he's sorry for the boys. Apparently Rogue had crawled in the motor part of their Sequoia. His sister in law had started the car, heard a meow, and opened the hood to find our cat. He said someone had to help get it out. So, in my mind (even though now as I remember the conversation he never actually said what happened) I'm seeing Rogue getting caught in the fan of the motor and well, your imagination can take it from there.
I called Jim in from outside and we debated on whether we should tell the boys she was dead or just let them think she had run away. We decided it would be better for Avery not to hold out hope that she was coming back and for us not to have to make and hang hundreds of signs around town all in vain. So we told the boys and both of them were very upset.
Later that night our neighbor's wife calls. She had talked with her sister and we had the story all wrong. Rogue did climb in to the engine. Our neighbor's sister in law drove the truck all the way from their house to North Nashville (about 20-30 minutes away) heard a meow, pulled over, opened the hood and out jumped Rogue. Scared our neighbor's poor sister in law to death. So, Rogue is very much alive somewhere in North Nashville. It helped Avery to know that she wasn't dead. Each night we've prayed for her to have food and shelter and to either make it back home to us or find a loving home (I'm hoping for the latter of these two.) As for the litter box and cat toys, well I'm not carting them to the curb any time soon. If any cat could make its way back its Rogue. :)

Final Moments

I've been in a funk lately. I get that way from time to time. I think we all do. If you've ever lost someone dear to you then you'll be able to relate well to this post I would imagine. Most people say its the holidays or special occasions that hit them hardest when a loved one has died. That's not the case for me. I know when holidays or special occasions such as birthdays or anniversaries are coming. I can prepare myself for those days. Its the every day mundane activities that spark memories that slip up on me.
I have been with both of my parents as they suffered through chronic illnesses. My daddy had cancer and my momma had ALS- Lou Gehrig's disease. My perspective of each of their struggles was different. My mom was the primary caretaker for my dad. I was more in the background helping out if needed but pretty removed from the day to day. I was 24 at the time. On more occasions than I care to remember, we were called to the hospital or to my parents house with the indication that time was very short. I talked a lot with my daddy during his last weeks. There he lay in a hospital bed in our living room, paralyzed on his right side, his body weak from chemotherapy and radiation, in constant pain and do you know what he was worried about? Me.
My sweet daddy was so worried that he was leaving me behind without any one to take care of me. I would sit and read the newspaper to my dad frequently. One article I read was about adoption and I just remember tears welling up in his eyes and him saying he hoped he had been a good daddy. Jim and I had been dating for about eight months at the time. We had a long distance relationship with him living in Asheville, NC and me in Hermitage, TN. We had talked about getting married and Jim decided that he wanted to ask my dad before he passed away. Jim sat down by my dad's bed and they talked (my dad was having difficulty speaking at this point). I don't know what Jim said to him other than to ask for my hand in marriage but when I went back in, I could tell my daddy was more peaceful. He just didn't want me to be alone. There were many sweet moments during his last days. I was not there when he went to be with Jesus but my mom just kept saying how peaceful it was and how thankful she was that he was finally healed.
I was the primary caretaker for my mom. It was difficult. Avery was 5 and Aidan was 2 at the time. Day to day, it really was just me and Jim until a few months before she passed away. There were instances here and there where other family members helped but daily, it was us. I wish that I could tell you it was calm and pleasant all of the time. Believe me, I wished it had been. I wish that I could write about the long talks we had or the special time I spent with her. The truth is after caring for her and the boys all day (and Jim was such a huge help in the evenings)- doing all of the day to day stuff - personal care, feeding her, doing the physical therapy exercises, sitting in on the speech therapist, the occupational therapist, the nurse, fighting with medicare, interviewing countless in home care workers only to have them never show up (thankfully finally after Thanksgiving we had two sweet ladies we hired), making sure her bills were paid, I could go on and on.... I was overwhelmed. I don't say all that to offer that as an excuse. None of that should have mattered and for the most part it didn't. But there were days when I was tired, emotionally overwhelmed and physcially spent. There were days when I was ugly to my husband, ugly to my little boys and yes, ugly to my momma.
The week before she passed away, we got in an argument. Yes, I know what you're thinking, "What kind of person gets in to an argument and yells at their dying mother?" Me. I do. There are many moments in my life I'm not proud of but that single moment is the worst. That night my mom started acting strangely. Her speech became slurred, she was agitated, and she refused to eat. The next morning she was worse. I called the Hospice nurse who came to examine her. The nurse's best guess was that she had suffered a stroke. And what that nurse said to me after that broke my heart. She said sometimes strokes are brought on by emotional outbursts (especially in cases where people's bodies are working so hard because of a terminal illness.) Yes, its true, she gave me a million other reasons why my mom could have had a stroke and no we don't really know what caused it but as you can imagine that has stayed with me.
I had the unbelieveable opportunity to be at my mom's side when she left this world. I held her hand and listened as she kept saying my daddy's name. I had a few minutes with her when no one else was in the room and I was able to tell her how much I loved her, to give my daddy a big hug when she got to Heaven, and that I was sorry I had yelled at her. And I watched her take her last breath. It was such a peaceful end to a hard fought battle.
I think many times our most intense grief comes later. I'm a suck it up and get through it kind of person so I struggle with the fact that 2 years later I feel as if at times I grieve more now than in the early days following her death. Maybe its just that now I allow myself those times. As for my regret and guilt at the way some days unfolded in our house while caring for my mother, I'm working through that slowly.
One day at a time...
So if you still have your momma and/or daddy on this Earth, let your momma go on and on- on the phone about nothing in particular even though you have a million things to do, listen to your daddy tell that same story for the billionth time, let your momma give you some advice on child rearing without getting defensive... it may not seem like it now but trust me- you're gonna miss that. :)

Go WKU!

March Madness

Are you a basketball fan? I have to say that when it comes to watching sports on tv, I'm not much of a fan of any of it. Now, put me in the bleachers at a game and I could watch just about any sport. I wouldn't say it was my favorite past time but I'd much rather see live action than televised. The exception to that is the NCAA Tournament. I absolutely LOVE to watch the basketball games that go on for March Madness. LOVE IT!! Part of the excitement is that it truly is a tournament where anything can happen. And has.
Jim and I have always filled out brackets to see who makes the best picks in the end. The last two years, the boys have also done a bracket of their own. Its hilarious to go over their picks with them. Their logic for picking a winning team can range any where from, "Oh we like Texas because that's where Sandy on Spongebob is from." to " Ha, ha, ha, ha... Let's pick Butler because it has the word "but" in it. " I love it. And can I just tell you that Aidan beat us all last year!
So here we go! My final four...
Louisville, North Carolina, Duke (I just love Coack K), and Memphis. To win it all (shhhhh- my husband would kill me to know that I picked them to win it all) North Carolina.

Smart Move or Crazy

If you've been reading my blog, you know that I am working on losing weight. I've lost some. If I told you how much in how long, well lets just say you wouldn't be impressed. I haven't weighed myself in a while. I like to go by how my clothes fit and how I feel more so than the number on the scale.
Losing weight sure isn't as easy as it used to be. I don't know if its having two small boys that keep me on my toes and when there is time to exercise, I'm just too tired to or if its being in my late thirties and just not having the metabolism I had in my twenties. Probably a little of both and add in the fact that my WORST time of day eating wise is from 7pm to bedtime.
I haven't given up. I know I need to kick it up a notch in both diet and exercise and I'm working on that. My new motivator is- and here's where you'll either think smart move or crazy lady... that I just ordered some new spring and summer clothes and I ordered my pants and shorts in a size smaller than I am now.
Before you think I have lost my mind, its important to note that the size I am now is loose on me. So, I'm not going from the top of my size all the way to a different size. Its very doable. The payoff other than feeling tons better about myself is that I'll have new clothes to wear. I'm very frugal and I know myself. If I can't fit in to my new stuff, I won't buy any other new things. So I've either got to lose the weight or let my new clothes hang in my closet taunting me.
I'll let you know how it works. Could be a great motivator.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

What's The Scoop

My friend Saundra and I took our kids to the Pfunky Griddle Friday morning. It's this cute little house where the griddles are in the middle of the tables and you make your own pancakes. You have your choice of pancake batter- white unbleached or five grain. You also have your choice of toppings. There are anything from M&Ms, strawberries, granola, peanut butter- and the list goes on. Everyone gets a spatula and its flap jack flippin' time. It was a fun experience and the pancakes were yummy! The only drawback is that its a bit more expensive than you'd think it would be- especially since you are cooking your own meal. :)
If you live in the Middle Tennessee area its worth checking out!

Geocaching

Have you heard of it? Thanks to my friend Saundra, Jim and Avery discovered the exciting world of geocaching on Saturday. It was a last minute thing so they only went to two spots locally. And when I say locally, they were areas they could walk to from our house. Aidan and I set out on this journey as well but alas only made it a couple of houses down before Aidan decided it was too hot to walk.
What is geocaching? I pulled this from the website...
Geocaching is a high-tech treasure hunting game played throughout the world by adventure seekers equipped with GPS devices. The basic idea is to locate hidden containers, called geocaches, outdoors and then share your experiences online. Geocaching is enjoyed by people from all age groups, with a strong sense of community and support for the environment.

How do you get started? Click on the geocaching website and create an account. Type in your zip code (or any zip code) and it will bring up the geocache sites that are located nearest you. Grab your GPS- we don't have a GPS but Jim's I Phone has a GPS application and he was able to download a compass application as well. So grab your GPS and head out. You can drive or you can walk. I won't tell you where the two sites are that the boys found in case you want to try it on your own. Avery absolutely loved it!! It was an adventure- they hiked through cow pastures (thankfully the big bull they saw was in the next pasture over with a fence between them). under barb wire fences, and ended up at Target. :)
Each geocache has a log where you can sign and date. Just a little side note- On our long walk back to the house- you know all of three houses down the road- Aidan said, "Mommy, I bet they call and want us to come get them." Sure enough, we got a call asking us to come pick them up at Target.
We will definitely be doing this again.

Never a Dull Moment

Yes, those are staples. About 10:45 this morning the director at Aidan's school called. He fell on the playground and hit his head on the corner of the picnic table. They couldn't get it to stop bleeding. I went to pick him up. His teacher said he never even cried. He was sitting in the office with the assistant director who was applying pressure with gauze to the back of his head. We made a trip to see Dr. Steve at Tennessee Pediatrics and one trip to McDonalds, one to Target to get a toy for being such a big boy, and three staples later- we are home.

A wider view. :)
And here's my big boy.

What's the Scoop

Ok- I really am getting old and I know that because I am about to blog about Fiber One Bars. :) Vickie suggested that I do this because there are so many of these type bars out there, they are all a bit pricey, and unfortunately not all of them are good tasting. I just tried the Fiber One bars in the last two weeks. There are a variety of flavors including chocolate, cafe mocha, and oats with strawberries with almonds. There are 140 calories in a bar, 3 grams of fat, and a whopping 9 grams of fiber. I love the taste and have to say that they are very filling. At $2.99 a box (at Kroger) I think they are a bit expensive for five bars but there are always coupons in the Sunday paper for them. And I don't have to fill you in on the benefits of getting your daily allowance of fiber. :)

This one's for the kids. Santa brought Aidan the Martian Matter Alien Maker for Christmas. Santa was a bit concerned about getting it. It looks a little messy and he wondered if it would get a lot of play time. I have to say that it was a hit and has been a huge hit for everyone that comes over to play. Aidan is four and can do the entire process by himself. Kids from four to ten years old have enjoyed it. Its not nearly as messy as you'd think although I can see how it could be if not supervised with smaller children. You can purchase the Alien maker at most retail stores for around $14.99.