The Ghosts of Christmas Past

The holidays have for a long time been a season of remembrance for me. Seems like there are always so many things I see, hear, or do that remind me of my loved ones that have passed. My dad and my grandmother have been gone for 12 years, my grandfather and my aunt for 2, and my mother for almost a year. Thanksgiving and Christmas especially bring flooding back all of those memories of the times we shared.

I made a huge pot of vegetable soup last night (it was my first attempt at homemade soup) and while I am not a great cook- it was some soup my mother would have been proud of. She made the best vegetable soup and the best chili.

My aunt (my mom's sister) is having a little family get together for Christmas and we aren't sure who's coming and who's not so I bought some 'extra" gifts to have on hand just in case someone shows that we weren't expecting. Last night on the phone my aunt reminded me that my grandmother, Granny Wright always did that too.

I passed the icicles (you know those gaudy plastic feeling strands you could just glop on your tree-I didn't think they sold those anymore but they do)) in a store today and I remembered how much my daddy loved that part of decorating our tree-- and how much he hated trying to pull them off when we took our tree down. :)

I made some peanut butter and crackers and dipped them in that melted chocolate almond bark and remembered how my momma would make a crazy amount of these and we'd be eating them forever.

My aunt gave me my first set of diamond earrings for Christmas when I was 7- I saw them in my jewelry box a few days ago.

I remember Santa Claus had to come to our house early in the evening of the 24th (while we were at my grandparents) because my daddy had to work every Christmas morning and he wanted to be there when we saw what Santa had brought us.

My momma would spend the night every Christmas eve after we had Avery so that she could see Avery and then Aidan on Christmas morning.

Aidan's mothers day out teacher made him an advent calendar counting down to the 25th by removing tootsie rolls each day. I remember the ones my mom made for my brother and me with what looks like that same green felt background and red yarn- she put mini candy canes on ours to countdown.

At Kohls they have a Christmas CD featuring Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby singing the Christmas classics. I remember my daddy singing and his sweet smile when I listen to it.

I could go on and on. This Christmas is painful and more times than I care to admit, I find myself fighting back tears. I ache to hug my daddy and how I'd love to go to my Granddaddy and Granny Wright's for Christmas Eve. And sometimes when I get up in the middle of the night I can still see my momma sitting in her wheelchair in front of the kitchen door. Sometimes its overwhelming and I hurt for precious Avery and Aidan who miss their Nana so much.

So I have myself a good long therapeutic cry and then I hear what I can only believe is God whispering to me. I picture my mom and dad, Granny, Grandaddy and Aunt Faye together with Jesus and how amazing it must be to get to spend Christmas with HIM- to get to spend eternity with HIM.