Do you remember some of the things you thought about before you had children? My first job right out of college was working investigating child physical abuse and neglect for the Department of Children's Services for Davidson County. It was a difficult job on so many levels and boy could I tell you some stories. But beyond that, part of my job was to actually work with families, parents on learning a better way of discipline. The question always came as I was working with the parents, "Do you have any children?" And I didn't- I was 22. So I'd say no and they would look at me as if to say, "How is it that you are going to be able to teach me something I can really use, something that will work if you've never been a parent?"
My point is, I thought a lot about what I would and would not do as a parent. What I would and would not allow as a mother. I just laugh at myself when I look back at how young and naive I was and how when you're young and you don't have kids of your own yet you don't know that you should never say never...
My children would never have a pacifier.
(Both boys were very attached to one before we even left the hospital)
My children would never sleep with me.
(Both boys as babies slept with us when there was no other way to get sleep- you do what works in those first few weeks)
My children will not sit in front of the tv- ever.
(I can't tell you how much tv my three year old watched last week when I was so sick I could barely get out of bed much less take care of him)
I will never raise my voice to my children.
(Ok as much as I'd like to type this and then say I've never yelled at my boys, I can't. I have had my moments of insanity where I could not here one more shrill scream or one more whine)
I just have to laugh when I think about all of those expectations I set and just how quickly they were tossed out the window. I think what I learned most about having kids is that you go with what works and finding what that is - is a work in progress.
Did you ever say never about something and wind up eating your words?
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4 comments:
LOL! I have to laugh because being a new mom, I said many of these things too, hehe. I said no pacifier, he has one sometimes. No sleeping in our bed, he slept in it the first month most nights (he is now in his crib thank goodness!). It is amazing what else I will say that I will eat my words, hehe. Thanks for sharing this!
Being a parent is often trial by fire. :) I got little Baby Aleck's birth announcement- they were beautiful!!
Everyday of my life. I was the WORST!! And I am embarrassed to say that I was very judgemental. . . but boy have I eaten many a word in my five years as a mommy. Just this past Sunday at church Addison had a MAJOR meltdown. . . screaming in the hallway. . . I dragged her (literally) into the bathroom. . . when I reached to turn her face to make her look me in the eye she screamed at the top of her lungs, "You're hurting me." I had not so much as laid a finger on the child. Rick had to come in the bathroom, pick her up and carry her screaming through the welcome area and out to the car. I couldn't even smile as we walked out - I was FUMING!!! I'm sure there were plenty of looks and thoughts of "If that were my child I would. . . " I would have probably said that before I had kids. I know better now! Judge not, lest you be judged! :)
Same here Susan! Jeff and I were both teachers and we thought we knew EVERYTHING about how to handle kids. The biggest was when I would see a kid really acting out and the parent doing nothing I would think (now I would be whipping that child's butt and they'd know better). What I found out was that even if you've whipped their butt a thousand times, sometimes they still humiliate you in public. And sometimes ignoring them works better than whipping them. I now look at those parents with understanding and sometimes even say, "Hey, it's not bothering me...we've all been there." You're right, it is a work in progress. You do what works for you and that's different for all of us.
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