I try my hardest not to be in any pictures. I tell myself its just because I don't like to see myself in them. I never like my hair and will critique the crud out of what I'm wearing. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to that. But, right here, right now I'm going to own why I don't like to be in pictures. I HATE the size I am now. HATE it. Here's the part where I would typically give you all the excuses as to why I'm the size I am. I'd tell you that I don't eat badly, that I work out, that my metabolism must have fallen through the floor with my last pregnancy. Oh, its just my baby weight.
Its true that I don't eat badly... until about 8pm. I can do so well the entire day and totally ruin it from 8pm to bedtime. Sometimes I'll go to bed early just so that I don't eat anything else. And I'm not hungry. I know its a habit and it can be broken. Truth is I just haven't been motivated to break it.
I work out... hit or miss 1 or 2 or three times a week. Its rare that I hit the three times. I tell myself I just don't have time. I've got children to take care of, laundry to do, school activities, baseball, soccer, church activities and the list goes on. But I have time to sit down and check my google reader, facebook, and e-mails for 30 minutes. Exercising is a habit. One that I haven't formed yet. Its a matter of priority and I just haven't been motivated to put losing weight above staying connected in the cyber world. And I have to be honest I hate to exercise. Its not fun to me. I wish it was. I wish I enjoyed running or aerobics. I just don't.
There is not a single thing wrong with my metabolism. I don't have any thyroid issues as much as I'd like to blame it on that. I'm certain my metabolism would get better if I would exercise more consistently.
And I can't say that I'm trying to lose my baby weight. I have to let that go. Aidan is 4 and I can no longer say this weight I have kept is baby weight. He was almost a 9lb baby for crying out loud!
I know that you should always do things for yourself. But for whatever reason, that just hasn't been enough to motivate me. I did however receive some motivation a few weeks ago. I got an e-mail from our class president about my 20 year high school reunion. Ok, I know you shouldn't be vain and typically I am not a vain person. Honestly its not really about vanity. Its more about me feeling comfortable in my own skin not just at my reunion but in my everyday life. I do want to be able to walk into my reunion 15 pounds lighter (I'd like to lose more than that but I'm being realistic). I want to walk in and be able to enjoy myself rather than just focusing the whole night on how much I hate my size.
I think this unhappiness with my body definitely spills over in to my every day life. So, I've always been a person who works better under pressure. If I have a deadline I'm more likely to meet it. On June 13, 2009 I will attend my high school reunion. From now on, I am going to change my habits, focusing on losing this weight and being the me I know again. Pray for me because I know me and it won't be easy. Especially pray for me between the hours of 8pm and bedtime. :) And I won't hold it against you if you see me out and come yank the Starbucks Mocha out of my hand.
I'm going to hold myself accountable on here. I won't tell you my weight because I can't bear to type that on here for the world to see but I will keep you informed of how much I've lost or (lets hope not) gained. Did I ask you to pray for me? :)
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10 comments:
Wow, you are VERY brave to even bring it up on here. I'll be praying for you and I promise not to keep bringing over Frappacinos! :) I promise, they really were "light".
This is your cousin here telling you that you are not fat, do not need to lose any weight either. Now I am the one on the other hand that needs to loose some weight. I keep blaming mine on kids, too tired and never enough time to do anything. Phil has a reunion coming up in a week and I needed to have lost some weight for this, but haven't and he mentioned the other day you have 2 weeks to try and loose some.
Oh Ashley! I'm going to miss those frappucinos!! :)
Lavinia- you are sweet to say that and I know you say that because you're family and you love me. I know I'm not huge I'm just at a size I don't want to be at.
Susan, you can do this! I know you can - if I can, you can!
I have to put in a plug for Weight Watchers online. It really helped me stay accountable - in a little less than 3 months, I lost 23 pounds. With only walking as exercise. And I didn't go hungry, I promise.
You can do it! I've gained some of the weight back the last month or so - I'm getting back on the wagon with you!
Susan! I know we haven't met yet, but I would love some accountability to lose weight as well! Your post is what I have felt many times except for the fact that Lydia is my first baby. I hate exercising as well and need some motivation to get off my butt! If you'd like, give me a call and we could get together. My house # is 448-6480 and cell # is 306-1862.
Ruth Ann
Susan,
I have never seen you in person, but from your pictures, you don't seem to have a weight problem. I would like to lose between 5-10 pounds. Those are the hardest. I will give you a hint for a great after 8pm snack. A glass of chocolate milk. I use 1% milk and add a little Quick Chocolate Syrup. I always have this in the evening. I get calcium and it satisfies the sweet tooth. Not long ago, I saw a news story that said drinking chocolate milk can help with weight loss. That makes it even better. Also, portion size is key. Instead of serving myself a huge blob of mashed taters, I use the size of my fist to measure the serving. That way, I can pretty much eat what I want. Portion size is what Jenny Craig, NutraSystem, etc, use. Good luck!
Ok Ruth Ann and Michelle- we could have our own little accountability group. :) I did WW a while back Michelle and really liked it- just found it difficult to physically go to the meetings- I may have to check into the online thing- glad to hear you liked that.
Ruth Ann- I'll post my e-mail address on the message board and maybe we can plan to meet up and workout.
Susan - I just got an evite about my 20th reunion and it about sent me over the edge! I'm with you on wanting to feel good when I attend. It is my new motivation as well. I don't know what you girls are planning but I'd be interested. Also, if you want to meet at FBC and exercise just let me know!
Ok , I am with you and other girls on wanting some accountability on losing weight, it is so hard nursing a baby! I will be praying for you and I wish that we could walk together!!
Heather
You have to get "Body for Life" it a book I just got. Love it!! Its a 12 week program.
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