I believe parenting is all about learning on the job. Trial by fire if you will. :) There are some very helpful books out there that can supplement the actual experience. But I truly believe that nothing can substitute for the hands on day to day. I say that because I used to work with children from 5-15 who had some pretty extreme behavioral issues. Foolishly I thought (not having any children of my own) that if I can work with this group then parenting my own should be a breeze. I laughed as I typed that last statement because I imagined the Lord looking down at me as I was thinking that(in my very young naive years) thought shaking His head and laughing. :) Every child is different, even siblings. I think the only right way to parent your child is to love them will all that you are, lead them to independence, help them be strong in Christ, and pray like crazy. Most everyone has their view of how children should be parented including myself. I love to hear parents' thoughts about everything from structuring time to discipline. I had some extra time this morning because my early riser decided to sleep in. I was thinking about some of the little things. I'm interested to hear what you think about these issues. Just random questions from one parent to another- no right or wrong answer- just curious as to your thoughts.
1. Do you allow your children to eat or drink anywhere other than the kitchen?
2. How do you want your children to refer to adults?
3. Do you have chores for your children and do they get an allowance?
4. What's your policy on "quitting?" For example- if your child started a sport, etc and really disliked it- would you make him/her finish?
5. If you have more than 1 child, when they argue do you allow them to work it out or do you step in?
I'll post my answers in the comments too.
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7 comments:
1. I do allow my boys to eat and drink most anywhere. If I had it to do all over I wouldn't. This would be why we need new carpet. :)
2. My boys usually refer to adults that we know as Ms. or Mr and their first name. I really want my boys to say yes ma'am and no sir so I try to work on that with them- it doesn't always happen but we're working on it.
3. We don't do allowances- there are things I expect the boys to do and we might try allowance in the future. Its not that they don't get rewarded, sometimes even monetarily- just not on a chore by chore basis.
4. That had always been our stance- if you start something you will finish it. Avery wanted to do basketball and hated it after he started but we made him finish- even though we were wishing every Saturday when we had to be there at 8am that we could let him. We did backtrack last year with soccer- it was a bad situation and after really looking at it decided that allowing him to quit was what needed to happen. We really talked to him about it - about not making it a pattern and REALLY thinking about activities, etc before choosing to do them. We came to the agreement that this was something we would have to assess on a case by case basis while definitely not allowing it to become a habit.
5. I struggle with this. I've read several books that state let them work it out unless someone is being physically harmed. I'm working on not stepping in. I know that being able to work out issues is a skill very much needed in the real world and needs to be learned.
Great post Susan! I will make sure to check back and see what others have to say.
As for us:
1. We let the kids eat in the living room, kitchen and dining room. No food upstairs because there is carpet.
2. I like the kids to refer to adults as Mrs or Ms or Mr with their first name unless otherwise requested. We kind of go over the maam and sir but don't really push it. I guess being from California it is a little foreign. A little funny: when I moved from S. Carolina to San Diego in 1st grade I was sent to the principals office for being sassy. I said "Yes, Ma'am" to the teacher.
3. We have not started allowance yet with our kids. They are supposed to make their beds and help unload the dishwasher and bus their plates from the table because we are all part of the family.
4. Sports and quitting. Munchkin played softball this spring. At first she hated it. But, I had just spent $75 to sign her up and had spent over $100 on equipment. She had to play. We did tell her if she hated it by the end of the season she never had to play that sport again but she needed to stick with it for the season.
5. Arguing: If it gets super heated I will step in but for the most part they work it out themselves.
I am on the same page with you on everything. Surprised? LOL I do not allow Kinsey to take a regular cup out of the kitchen; that's the only exception to eating/drinking in places other than the kitchen.
Meri
1. They do eat in the living room now (in an apartment) but it will be just kitchen in the new house!
2. They refer to most adults as Mr. or Ms. and first name. And when I am talking to other children I always refer to myself as "Ms. Amy." I am a nazi about yes/no maam and sir. It really is a southern thing. . .and I am southern through and through.
3. We don't really have a chore chart that we follow, but they do have jobs that they do. We are going to start allowance when school starts - not as a reward, but as a way to teach about how to handle money. Thus the allowance will be a very small amount, just to teach them about giving, saving and spending.
4. Haven't had to make any decisions about quitting. . .except that I was ready to make them quit t-ball after our first game this weekend in the million degree heat!
Says so much about me, huh?? :)
5. I try to let them work it out, but jump in when someone is about to get hurt or when I just can't handle hearing it anymore.
3.
My kids only eat dry snacks outside the kitchen, as they get older this gets easier.
I let them work out issues until it gets ugly.
My kids finish a sport unless the coach gets out of line, morals etc.
My kids refer to other adults as Ms. or Mr. and first name as well.
Parenting is a hands on deal, you can read all the books in the world and listen to everyones advice. Also there are no two children that are exactly alike, they are all unique. Every household is different, I say if it works for you then go with it. :)
Vickie Moser
Great post. It's funny how around here everyone calls people Mr/Mrs with their first name. In East TN it was always Mr/Mrs with their last night. I like the first name better though.
I'm with you on the other stuff.
Okay, I am the old woman here but I will tell you what I did when Britnee and Brett were younger.
1) When they were really little, only in the kitchen. As they got older, they could have food in the den. Definitely a NO in the bedrooms, then and now.
2) My two always said the Miss and Mr with the first name. ALWAYS yes, ma'am, yes sir, etc. They still do til this day. I still do too!
3) No allowance. They have a roof, clothes and food. When they do get money, I try to teach them how to use it.
4) NO QUITTING! Once you start something, finish it. If you are the member of a team, those teammates depend on you to be there. We have had a couple of bad situations but we used those as life lessons. It teaches how to deal with certain people you will have to deal with throughout your life.
5) I usually let them fight it out. If it got too bad, sent them to their rooms. Then made them hug and kiss later.
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